Just a Crush
by Andromeda8
Summary: *OotP characters* A short and sweet fluff piece from Tonks' POV about the way she feels for Remus...why does no one believe it isn't just a school girl type crush?!


Just a Crush

I don't see what the problem is.  Actually, no, to be fair, I _do see what the problem is, but I don't understand why we can't get around it.  Why we can't even try.  Every time I try and talk to him nowadays, he just gets that sad look on his face and disappears off inside himself. _

I accept that it wouldn't be the most normal relationship in the world, but at least I'm willing to try, which is far more than can be said for him.  He can be so infuriating when he wants to be.  _Honestly_ you'd think I was still a kid the way he acts around me sometimes.

He's not even that old himself, Remus Lupin.  If Witch Weekly's anything to go by, then forty's the new twenty right now.  Quite what that makes those of us in our mid twenties, I'm not entirely sure, though applying the same logic I would be about five, which would quite possibly explain a lot about the way Remus treats me.

Kingsley keeps telling me that it's just a crush, and I'll be over it by next month.  I think that he, and probably Remus as well, think that this is my way of trying to prove that I wasn't really as gutted as they all made out when Donaghan Tremlett from the Weird Sisters got married.  Fair enough, I do still have the posters that adorned the walls of my Hogwarts dorm in my room at mine and Kingsley's flat, but not all of them.  There's only a dozen, maximum!

For goodness sakes, do they not think I know my own mind?  I had to sweat blood to get through the Stealth section of the Auror exams, spending hours sitting alone under Kingsley's vague instructions of 'stay put and try not to break anything'.  I did pass, and now I happen to think I'm a very good Auror thank you very much, so you'll understand why I resent being told I'm suffering from a school girl type infatuation.

He is quite gorgeous though…The first time we met was only a few days after I was first ordained into the Order, and it was certainly quite an experience.  I'd already heard much about him before hand, once you get Mad-Eye going on one of his rants about fairness and equality among magic folk, he can be impossible to stop.  I have to admit, I did feel pity for him before we'd even met. I mean, it's awful isn't it?  A nasty bite as a young boy, and suddenly the rest of your life's changed forever…One of those life altering moments, the likes of which I used to imagine would occur between Donaghan and myself when I finally managed to get myself backstage at a Weird Sister concert…

It was Mad-Eye that introduced us actually.  It was my first visit to Number 12 Grimmauld Place, and there were only the three of us there at the time.  I still remember what he looked like on that day; sort of pale, sad and worried, yet there was something optimistic about him.  I could tell he was as scared as I was, but, same as me, thought we had a real fighting chance.  And then there were his eyes…

He shook my hand, leaning over the kitchen table, and I was startled by how blue his eyes were. They were just like Donaghan's, all deep and piercing, like he was looking right inside me.  His hair was rather dishevelled at the time, but its grey flecks still made him look all distinguished, like the muggle star George Clooney.  I'd never really understood his appeal before then…

"Nice to meet you, Nymphadora," he said, smoothly, at which point I told him firmly that if he ever called me that again, then I couldn't promise I wouldn't hurt him. I remember his boyish grin as he laughed and rolled his eyes in Mad-Eye's direction. "Quite a character isn't she?" But then a smile and "Right you are then, Tonks."  I can't _quite remember what happened after that, but I did go a bit giggly._

It's been a few months now though, and I really do think I've gotten to know him a lot better than he realises.  I can see right past the barriers he puts up, and believe me there are a lot of them.  Alright, maybe it's understandable that he doesn't want to get too close to people, what with being a werewolf and all, but I just know I could deal with that.  Kingsley likes to tell people that he lives with me for three quarters of every month, and a Hungarian Horntail for the remainder.  In comparison, how bad can a werewolf transformation be?  After all, they _do only last one night of every month, and really, how long is that, in the grand scheme of things?  Twelve days a year.  One hundred and twenty days in a decade.  Barely over a thousand in a lifetime.  I could cope with that…_

Sometimes I do just want to hug him though.  He's been so hurt, and if there's anyone that was touched deeply by the Dark Lord's last reign, it's him.  Sometimes he seems so positively _haunted, and yet occasionally, when he lets his guard slip, I see the shy little boy underneath that he once was, a whisper of what could have been.  If only he'd let me hold him._

He's made it very clear though, that any such action is firmly off bounds.  At least he didn't laugh at me when I kissed him.  I was quite worried that he might.  Or that he'd tell everyone, and Kingsley would never stop teasing me.  No, I know now he would never do anything like that, he's far too kind.  But he did talk to me like I didn't understand.  All his insistencies that it was far better for all concerned that he never mark anyone else with his curse.  I did make him blush though.  He told me he was flattered that I had a crush on him, and he looked all sweet and wistful but agh!  Really.  I'm twenty five.  I'm long past crushes.

He will realise one day soon though.  I'm certainly not going anywhere….well…unless Donaghan realises that his marriage was a huge mistake and offers to take me away…But in the meantime, I _know we could be so good together, if only he'd give it a chance.  I'm going to prove to him that we could have something worth taking a risk for, and even if I can't persuade him that, then certainly if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make him see that this is far more than just a crush…_

A/n: Well, that wasn't my first Harry Potter fic, but it was certainly my first for about three years, and I think I might have gone just a bit rusty! J All comments and suggestions are gratefully received, as I think I'd really quite like to develop Nymph' a bit further…She's an endearing little soul don't you think?  Well, let me know what you thought of my little fluff piece, even if it's to say you can't stand it! x-Andromeda-x


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